if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
