My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
