Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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