I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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