My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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