a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
