i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
