remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
and you fell through a lawn chair
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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