Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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