The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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