I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
