I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
