And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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