We won't sleep together?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize