im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he shaved USA in his pubs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
