remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
