so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
