Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
