Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
