Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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