I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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