Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
