So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
