My first STD was from a foam party
farters have to be the big spoon...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
