Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
