we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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