last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.