currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood