you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it