we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I could fuck to npr.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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