and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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