There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
