just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
