my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
