Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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