she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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