You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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