U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
