I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
