i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
