I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
