On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
