I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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