You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
