im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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