I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
