Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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