i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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