Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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