I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
