Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
