Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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