What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
