Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
