He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
