new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
