And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's never too late to be topless.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
