Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
