i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its about making memories worth repressing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
