wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
