I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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