So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
