Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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